You're probably going to think this is weird:

I'm having a crisis of soap.

There are people in the world who buy whatever soap the store has in front of them when they go, "oh yeah, I need soap." I think those are all single women. They're also the ones who buy most of the fruity soaps or whatever. I have only willfully changed soap in my adult life once, and I suspect that for most men that's one time more than they've ever changed soap.

And there was a reason. I was in the dorms at the "University" of Oklahoma (aka Sooner High), and the water we had was treated with all sorts of stuff to make it not rust the pipes. This had the effect of making it hard water. Now, I even had people get into arguments with me that it was soft water, but those people were wrong and are forever idiots. I looked it up. I also had a water test kit since I had an aquarium, and the water was indeed hard so those people who insisted it was soft can blow me. (Hardness is the presence of certain calcium salts in the water that prevent soap from lathering - the more of the calcium salts there are, the harder it is for the soap to lather, and if it doesn't lather it won't rinse. You can also confirm that I am correct by looking at the ingredients of any laundry detergent, since you'll see "water softeners" on the list, and why would they want to soften the water if soft water were bad? Eh?).

So anyway, I saw a commercial that was targeted to customers of Oklahoma City's terrible water supply, and if you live in a town that also got the jingle you can sing along with me:

It's hard to get clean in hard water
And you're livin' in a hard water town.

So this was a commercial for Zest, which isn't actually soap by some definition of soap (it's a detergent bar, apparently), but which is capable of lathering, and thus being rinsed, in bad (hard) water. So I tried some, and lo and behold it didn't leave my skin feeling slimy like the old standby Safeguard did, and I never looked back. I've been using Zest ever since.

But I'm tired of it. Every day, my soap smells the same. But the idea of willfully changing that part of my life is, well, surprisingly hard to take. There are just so many soaps out there. How do I choose?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm finding it difficult to change soap. Sad, isn't it?

It's about the only thing I haven't changed though. I changed toothpaste several times (Arm and Hammer PeroxiCare, not the tartar control variety since that eats the enamel off your teeth), antiperspirant several times too (currently also Arm and Hammer, but in a pinch anything with the active ingredient Aluminum Zirconium Tetrachlorohydrex Gly will do, and yes I remember that off the top of my head), and I use random shampoo every now and then just because (usually Neutrogena T-Gel, as I announce my dandruff shame to the world) - although that's smell-related too, now that I think of it.

I used to change mousse brands regularly until it got silly and I opted for a caesar cut, which requires no mousse (the last one was, uhh, L'oreal Studio, I think, the one with the squares on the logo). The caesar cut was cemented in my book when I caught a Fashion Emergency show on E! (another secret shame, I guess) where Jerry Springer's bouncers wanted to go out on the town with him, and in the makeover of one of the more, er, balding ones the stylist gave him a caesar cut and said it's the best way to minimize the appearance of thinning hair. I already had the cut by then, but I went, "oh hey," and it's probably a keeper. It's also great for driving the car with the top off, as there's no such thing as convertible hair when all your hair is less than an inch long and sits flat on your head as it is. Not that you care.

Let's see, since I seem to be listing all my personal care at this point:

• Neutrogena liquid soap, fragrance free: for cleaning my face in the shower. This habit started about acne time, when I became obsessive about having my face clean after watching my brother and sister have terrible skin for years. Either I lacked something they had that caused their skin problems, or the early obsession paid off, but I never had more than three pimples at any time, and it was usually less than that.
• Neutrogena bar soap, also fragrance free: hand washing before dealing with my contacts and most other hand washing tasks. Habit inherited from older brother and sister, continued because it's good soap and it doesn't dry my skin out or leave funny goo (bad for contacts) or scents (bad for nose).
• Aveeno shave gel: I've changed shave gel or foam several times, and my loyalty lasts only until somebody else recommends something they like. Aveeno may be the keeper, because even though it's twice as expensive as Gillette or Edge, it's that much better.
• Gillete Mach 3: I condemn the cow orker who recommended I try these blades. They're far more money than I wish to spend on shaving. They're that much better, though, so I guess I'm stuck.
• Aramis Lab Series Razor Burn Relief: My mom can't believe I pay whatever it is this stuff costs. You use a couple drops per day so the little bottle lasts for months and it works like a charm. I use this whenever I shave and wouldn't trade it for anybody's favorite brand.
• Body Shop Tea Tree Oil Facial Cleanser: I have a problem with chalazions (you probably know them as styes (your people call it corn)) and I use this stuff to clean the edges of my eyelids. Yes, it burns, but so do the Ocusoft Lid Scrubs that cost a lot more money. It really gets the goop off my eyelids though, which prevents the chalazions from coming back. I don't use this stuff every day, only when allergies have gotten my eyes really goopy. I have a whole long list of instructions on how to alleviate styes, so if you get them send me an email and I'll tell you how to make them go away.
• Clean and Clear Foaming Facial Cleanser: I only use this stuff when I'm in an opera or a play and I have to wear makeup. This stuff works better than anything else I tried (it even removes that pesky eye liner that nothing else seems to touch, although that sometimes takes a second round of lathering).
• Johnson's Baby Shampoo: Only listed because I'm being complete. This stuff removes body makeup, which is surprisingly stubborn otherwise (soap doesn't really touch it). I have it in the bathroom only for those occasions (like Aida) when I need to be some color I'm not and would like not to stain my clothes once the show's over.

I think that's about it for the ablutions. The toothbrush is an Oral-B Plaque Remover, but not the new super one that vibrates in addition to the oscillation. The contacts are Surevue, the solution is Renu Multiplus, or whatever the one in the blue box is called.

Koog always complained that I took too long in the bathroom in the morning. I countered that she took too long at night. Good thing I'm not a girl or my makeup list would probably be longer than hers.

Anyway, that's why I have such a hard time changing soap. It's like a part of me.

link (2000-06-27)