From Care and Feeding of your Fedward:

The Fedward in his natural habitat is fond of a meal he calls "breakfast burritos." The dish has evolved over time as his foraging habits have changed, but the basic idea always remains the same. As the Fedward is known to forage sporadically and late at night, he has learned to make do with what he can find during his hunt. With some simple steps and your own available foodstuffs you can duplicate this meal in your own kitchen. Your Fedward will appreciate it.

Fedward-Style "Breakfast Burritos"
(serves one Fedward)

2 Eggs
2 Large flour tortillas
2 Sausage patties, crumbled (you may substitute something the Fedward calls "chorizo" if it is available, or "Breakfast Patties" formed of textured vegetable protein. The Fedward, while not a vegetarian, isn't picky)
1/4 c. Onion, chopped
1/2 c. Cheese, grated ("Monterey Jack" or "Cheddar" are both known to appear in the Fedward's kitchen)
Butter as needed to sautee the onions
Spicy "salsa" to taste (Fedwards are known to like the "Habaņero" variety, but your selection may be somewhat limited)

Begin by setting a large cast iron skillet on a burner on low heat. After it warms, place the two tortillas, stacked, in this pan. Turn them occasionally as you prepare the rest of the meal. Take care not to overheat them, as they will become dry and brittle.

Crumble the sausage or chorizo and cook it on medium heat in another skillet. After it has cooked a couple minutes, add the chopped onion. The sausage will generally provide enough fat to cook the onion, but you may add butter if necessary. If you use the vegetarian patties, you should start by melting butter and sauteeing the onion before the crumbled patties are added. As the onion takes less time to cook than sausage, but more time than TVP, use your own judgment on the timing of these two ingredients. While the onion and sausage are cooking, rapidly mix ("scramble") the eggs in another vessel. When the sausage and onion are both cooked through, add in the scrambled eggs, stirring rapidly to prevent them from burning.

After the eggs are fully cooked, remove your tortillas from the other pan and place them flat on a large plate. Place half the egg mixture on each tortilla, top with cheese and salsa to taste, then roll the tortillas. You may return the rolled tortillas to the large skillet to melt the cheese further, if you desire.

Serve with coffee (explained earlier) and orange juice. Make additional "salsa" available to your Fedward, as he is known to prefer spicy foods.

After such a meal, your Fedward will be docile and pleasant for several hours. For best results, alternate this meal with the Fedward-Style "French Toast" described later in this chapter.

(2000-08-05)