Normally in the psycho killer way, when I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. But I was looking through the mail that's arrived in the past couple days, and I was once again forced to ponder the Victoria's Secret catalog.

They've been sending me these things for about six years now, through four address changes. I have never bought a thing from them. Not one. Sarah, the wacky Aussie girlfriend, thought it would be funny to sign me up for their mailing list, once upon a time. It's like the gift that keeps on giving. Except it's the gift I no longer want (not that I ever really appreciated it in the first place) that keeps on giving.

Anyway, I was leafing through this week's arrival, and I noticed mention down in the corner of one page that I could log onto the web site and set up my own personalized gift list. Hoo boy, a wish list from Victoria's Secret, just for me! I considered logging in and picking out a bunch of stuff at random, just to be weird.

This idea seemed funny to me for maybe five seconds. Then I realized how not funny it was. It doesn't even approach funny, really. Nothing good could come of it.

So you'll just have to imagine it for yourself.

They used to sell boxers and cologne. Whatever happened to those? I mean, if they actually had the gift registry of silk boxers, I'd ... never mind. I wouldn't do that either. That's just weird. Anybody who'd be in a position to buy me boxers already would know what to buy. I mean, duh. (This is a lie, as I have a preference in cut -- bubble back is better than center seam -- but I wouldn't kick her out of bed for buying the wrong kind).

But then it's a lot harder to go wrong with boxers than it is with lingerie. I think if I were intent on buying something from Victoria's Secret for someone, I'd get her a robe, pajamas, or a gift certificate. The thing that would probably be most appreciated (look sweetums, two dozen cotton panties! Oh, you shouldn't have!) is about the least romantic gift out there.

Of course, Sarah and I didn't see eye to eye on the pajamas anyway. I suggested wacky and she went for striped. I should have known then it would all be downhill from there.

(31 oct)